Comic Goes Back to Kill Hitler Comic Goes Back to Kill Hitler Funny

Apparently as a 4-year old, Hitler was saved from drowning in the river Passau by a local priest.

Goes to show once more that a lot of problems would be solved if priests could just keep their hands off kids.

Hitler and Stalin walk together in the afterlife

... they stop next two people and Hitler tells Stalin: "Let me tell you of my plan: I am going to kill six million Jews and a mechanic.

one of the two people hear this and asks Hitler "Why kill the mechanic?"

Hitler turns to Stalin and says: "see? I told you nobody cares about the Jews"

Hitler was worst track runner

he couldn't even finish one race

Several of Hitlers Generals disappeared after the war, and became animal doctors.

Because they were Veteran Aryans.

How did Hitler like his orange juice?

Concentrated.

A man walks into a bar and sees Hitler and Stalin...

A man walks into a bar and sees Hitler and Stalin sitting at a table. He walks up to them and asks what they are doing. Hitler says were planning WW3. The man asks what's going to happen this time. Hitler says this time were going to kill 15 million Jews and a bicycle repair man. The man asks why a bicycle repair man. Hitler turns to Stalin and says see I told you know one would care about the 15 million Jews.

Hitler wasn't a very athletic man.

He never even finished a single race.

Worst joke I've ever heard

What is the difference between Hitler and the Boston Bombers?

One of them actually ended a race.

Hitler dies and God calls him

After Hitler dies, God calls him in His office. When he gets there, God asks "if I gave you the possibility to live another life, what would you do?"

Hitler answers "I'd kill all the Jews and twelve Eskimos".

God promptly asks "Why the Eskimos?".

"See, not even you care about Jews!"

I should make a monument in my yard dedicated to the guy who killed Hitler.

What video game would Adolf Hitler play?

Mein Kraft.

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Jesus Christ fed 2,000 people with 5 loaves of bread and 2 fish

But Hitler made 6,000,000 jews toast

How did Hitler originally get into power?

"Let's make Germany great again"

Osama Bin Laden, Josef Stalin and Hitler are robbing a bank, who do the cops shoot first?

A black guy

My joke was removed for comparing Trump to Hitler

Apparently it's against the rules to make personal attacks on someone even after they've been dead for over 70 years.

What gave Hitler a heart attack?

Seeing his gas bill

Use chemicals to remove polish and no one bats an eye

Use chemicals to remove the Polish and you're literally Hitler.

An Atheist...

Walks up to the Pearly Gates. God says, "I will let you in if you can make me laugh."

The Atheist asks, "who is the greatest Jewish baker of all time? Hitler. He made over 60,000 Jews toast."

God looks at him and says, "A holocaust joke? That is not really funny."

The atheist replied, "Eh, I guess you should have been there."

Why isn't Hitler in Mario Kart?

Because he cant finish a race

So a holocaust survivor wins the lottery...

So Moishe wins the lottery, reporters start asking this Holocaust survivor about his plans for the money. without hesitation he says he is going to commission a statue of adolf Hitler... the reporters are stunned and ask why a survivor of such an atrocity would do such a thing. Moishe rolls up his sleeve - "he gave me the winning numbers"

What did they call Hitler when he swam?

Adolfin

Why wasn't Hitler invited to the BBQ?

Because he always burns the franks.

It's not fair for people to keep comparing Trump to Hitler.

It's not fair for people to keep comparing Trump to Hitler. Hitler was a decorated war hero and qualified leader.

Kinda scared for 2017

Because 2+0+1+7 is 10 - the exact number of nipples Hitler would have if he had 8 more

Ruin a quote by attributing it to the wrong person

"Don't cry because it is over. Smile because it happened." -Adolf Hitler, 1945

What do Justin Bieber and Adolf Hitler have in common?

Neither of them are musicians.

Ya gotta give Hitler credit for one thing...

He killed Hitler.

What was the first thing Hitler bought from the beauty shop?

Polish remover

An old Hitler joke

Some time ago, a medium contacted Hitler's spirit by accident. Out of curiosity, he decided to listen to what Hitler had to say.

"Listen to my words, you little brat: I'm gonna reincarnate someday, and I'm gonna kill six million Jews and two dogs".

"Why the two dogs?" the medium replied.

"See, nobody cares about the Jews!"

Girls use chemicals to remove polish and, no one bats an eye

Hitler uses chemicals to remove Polish, and everyone loses their mind

Hitler wasn't such a bad guy

After all he did kill Hitler. Then again... He killed the guy who killed Hitler.

People compare Trump and hitler all the time, but there is one major difference.

Hitler was good at making speeches

Sieg Heil by Covergirl

Girls use chemicals to remove polish and no one panics.
Hitler does the same thing and everyone loses their minds.

You'll never be able to go back in time and kill Hitler as a baby.

You'd be way too short and weak.

Roses are red, Violets are blue

Hitler blew an 11 country lead during World War 2

Using chemicals to remove polish is fine...

But use chemicals to remove the Polish and you're suddenly Hitler!

What do you get when you cross Hitler with Osama bin laden?

Nein 11

Jesus fed 2000 Jews fish and bread.

Hitler made 6 million Jews toast.

Anagram of "mother in law"

Woman Hitler

Why does Hitler like acetone?

It's a Polish Remover

What makes Hitler better than Jesus?

Jesus could only feed 5000 people with 5 loaves and 2 fish. Hitler made 6,000,000 Jews toast.

Why did Hitler kill him self?

He saw his gas bill.

Why did Hitler lose his drivers licence?

He was too hard on the gas

Hitler walked in to a bar...

The bartenders says "whoa, hitler I thought you were dead"

Hitler says "no, just hiding. I'm planning to kill the rest of the Jews and 5 clowns"

The bartender asks "why the clowns?"

Hitler says "see no one cares about Jews"

What could the Boston Marathon bombers do that Hitler couldn't?

End a race.

An Arab and a Jew stand in front of a Hitler statue.

The Jew spits on the statue.
Arab: why did you do that?
Jew: because he killed half my people.

The Arab spits on the statue as well.
Jew: why did you do that?
Arab: because he didn't kill the other half.

What is the difference between Ajit Pai and Hitler?

Hitler was doing what he thought was best for his country.

How does Hitler tie his shoes?

With little knotsies.

A girl uses chemicals to remove polish and no one looks twice

And yet when Hitler tried it, everyone threw a fit

A man walks into a bar and sees Hitler and Stalin.

A man walks into a bar and sees Hitler and Stalin at a table. He asks them what they were doing and was told that they were planning WW3.
Hitler says, "We are going to kill 15 million jews, and a bicycle repairman."
The man, confused asks, "Why the bicycle repairman?"
Hitler turns to Stalin and tells him, "See? I told you no one would care about the 15 million Jews!"

Why is hitler a better person than Jesus Christ?

Jesus Christ fed 2000 jews with 5 loaves of bread, while hitler made 6 million Jews toast

How did Hitler keep his shoelaces from coming untied?

Little knotsies.

What grades did Hitler get in art school?

Not C's

All those people claiming Donald Trump is like Hitler need a reality check.

After all, its not like Donald Trump could write a book.

Hitler is sitting in hell with Stalin and Satan chatting...

Satan asks them if either of them have any regrets.

Hitler: You know, I do.

Stalin + Satan: Really?!?!

Hitler: Yea, you know if I could do it all over again, I'd kill 6 million jews and a dog.

Satan: What?

Stalin: Why a dog?

Hitler: See! I told you no one gives a shit about the jews!

Having invented a time machine I'm going to do the art world a favor

I'm going to make sure Adolf Hitler never gets into art school. I'm tired of seeing his paintings everywhere.

A russian went out of Stalin's office and says to himself

This stupid mustached man.
A KGB officer hears him and grabs him to stalin and tells him what he heard.
Stalin to the man: who did you mean when you said "mustached man".
The man: Hitler of course.
stalin to the KGB officer: And who YOU thought he was referring to?

A man goes into the streets of Moscow and yells :

I am tired of this guy with a silly mustache and stupid rules being a leader! A soldier heard him, so he goes and catches him, later he brings the man to Stalin. Soldier says to Stalin what happened and Stalin asks the man : Who were you thinking about when you yelled in the streets? Man responds: Of course i was thinking about Hitler! ; Stalin lets him go but then he stops the soldier to say: Who were YOU thinking about?

I just don't get how the german people could fall for Hitler and the Nazis

There were an awful lot of red flags.

A World War 2 joke

Stalin and Hitler died and were recieved in Hell by Satan.

Satan asked them to wait in the guest cabin, because he had to search for the worst place in Hell for both of them (it had been a long time since some one so evil had come to his abode) .

While waiting, Hitler got bored and asked Stalin to tell him a joke.

Stalin said one word, "Moscow."

Hitler, after a long and hard thought, replied, "I don't get it."

Stalin laughs merrily and says, "Exactly."

After dying Hitler arrives at the gates of heaven

God asks him his name and on hearing "Hitler" instantly remarks that he should be sent to Hell. Hitler pleads to God to atleast consider some merit for him in heaven. To this God rumbles " You persecuted millions of Jews, led a second world war to happen and caused the German people to suffer a lot. On what possible merit would we consider admitting you into heaven ?"

Hitler calmly replies "My Lord, I am also responsible for killing that man"

Hitler dies and goes in front of a hell gate...

St. Peter is waiting, judging him.

They stand in silence when Hitler breaks it:" St. Peter, where am I?"

"Hell, Hitler." he responds.

"Ya, ya, Heil Hitler, but where am I?".

A fortune teller once told Hitler he would die on a Jewish festival.

"How do you know" asked Hitler.

The fortune teller replied "Any day you die will be a Jewish festival."

Your mothers so fat

They started calling her Hitler at the strip club for all the damage she did to the Poles.

What's the difference between Usain Bolt and Adolf Hitler?

Usain Bolt knows how to finish a race

Just remember, Hitler is one of histories heroes.

After all, he DID kill Hitler.

A time traveler meets Adolf Hitler in a bar

Instead of trying to kill him and mess up the timeline he instead sits down to have a drink with Hitler.

The time traveler looked at Hitler and asked So how are you doing?

Pretty terrible, I just got kicked out of art school.

Well that sucks, you'll probably land on your feet though.

Yea you're right, but you want to know what I hate?

Let me guess, Jews?

Well, now that you mention it…

I've just finished my time machine, and the first thing I'm going to do...

...you know, I'm sick of all these trashy paintings by Adolf Hitler, I'm going to go back and make sure he never gets into art college.

Learned Hitler not only wrote a book, but created a video game

Mein Kraft

What's the difference between Putin and Hitler?

Hitler knew when to kill himself

What did Hitler say after running a marathon?

Meim Crampf

Did you know Hitler had a bowling team?

It was called "The Third Streich".

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Source: https://jokojokes.com/hitler-jokes.html